First of all, Happy Birthday to my sister Heather Cairncross (http://www.AltoVoice.com) – yes she can sing and I really cannot.. although I do frequently, much to my kids dismay.

And now for an update on me and my life – I know you’re probably wondering what’s going on especially as I look so rough.  Ok maybe not, but I’m going to tell you anyway.  I did start to record a video but I was pissing myself off so much with my miserable face I thought I’ll just take a screen shot instead so you can quickly scroll past it.

As you can see I do not look too great a the moment do I?  I have dry spotty skin, lack lustre eyes with dark shadows and bags, silver hair starting to shine through (my daughter kindly pointed this out last night, although she did tell me she thought my hair felt thicker.. she must be practising the art of delivering a shit sandwich).  I feel tired, lethargic, and crabby.  I thought it best I don’t join my soon-to-be-ex-husband (s-t-b-e-h) at his meeting with the school headmaster today because of this.

What’s going on? Well let me rewind to my last post.  I started off great – running, walking, doing pilates dvd (not just watching it) and drinking loads of green juice and eating more consciously then… the snow came.

I didn’t go out for days, haven’t seen sunlight much and had a crap week of email exchange with s-t-b-e-h around irritating subjects such as cleaning the fish tank and changing the kids school.  I know, you’re probably thinking errrm… fish tank?!  Let me explain.

I came home to find the fish tank had been miraculously cleaned a couple of weekends ago.  Hmmm… thought I.  Spencer (my son), has to have an adult standing over him before he cleans his fish tank – the same  fish tank I made very clear, would be none of my responsibility, when s-t-b-e-h bought it for Spencer for Christmas 2008 and wanted me to have it at home.

So what had happened?

Well, s-t-b-e-h came into my home while I wasn’t there to pick up Spencer and his computer for the weekend and decided he’d walk around my home and clean the fish tank while he was waiting.  Although I’m sure Spencer was very pleased about not having to deal with cleaning it, I was not happy and sent email to s-t-b-e-h asking him to not enter my home again – especially when I’m not there.  I have never been in HIS home and would never dream of going in when he wasn’t at home, let alone touching his fish tank (which is undoubtedly the most perfect, super clean fish tank in the world).

This sparked an email exchange which deteriorated somewhat despite me being very brief and unemotional in my initial responses, I finally lost the plot slightly when the words ‘irresponsible parent’ were mentioned.  I think I then forwarded a copy of the email to my friend and one of my sisters with the word AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!  in the subject line.

So anyway.. with that seemingly at an end I then get an email from him telling me he’s not paid the school fees and can’t pay them and he’ll be seeing the headmaster about it all.

In response, I swung into action contacting the local education authority and copying s-t-b-e-h in on the exchange with them, where they told me my daughter Chloe, will probably be able to move to the school of my choice as they have spaces and will send me information on our options for schools for both children.  If she gets in there, it also bodes well for Spencer getting a place there in September – I already have him on the waiting list for it.  Great! I thought.

I then decided to speak to the kids about what the situation was and ask for their opinions.  As it takes Spencer a long time to settle in and his immediate option would be one of the roughest schools in the area, I felt the best thing to do, logically, would be to home school him for six months until he can hopefully start at my school of choice for him in September.  I contacted the LEA about this and they kindly gave me the details of the person who co-ordinates this.

Wow, little did I know that s-t-b-e-h would think I was suddenly the devil in disguise for not only talking to the kids before everything was finalised (uh, it is THEIR life that is being affected and they deserve a say in it), but also for mentioning the option of home schooling as ‘apparently I know his views on that’.  Well obviously I don’t know them. I’m getting more of an idea now though, I can tell you.

I kindly pointed out that this wasn’t about him, if fees can’t be paid they can’t stay at their current school and I genuinely thought he’d appreciate me being pro-active.  I also drew to his attention that he never once said, ‘don’t say anything to the kids until we can talk to them together’.  He’s in the Royal Navy and throughout our marriage I never waited for him ‘to be there’ as he often was away with work, so I was somewhat bemused that he suddenly expected me to be able to read his mind and behave in a different way.

Obviously he thinks I am completely incapable of home schooling Spencer and thinks that putting him in a crappy school where he won’t know anyone and then have to move schools again in September is preferable to having a lesson plan at home with the support of the LEA and tutors for mathematics (I really HATE maths).  Well I happen to think Spencer’s emotional welfare is just as important as his education and told s-t-b-e-h this in no uncertain terms.

Anyway.. I thought it best I don’t turn up at the meeting at the school today or I may well argue, cry or get violent, which would not leave a good ‘responsible parent’ impression *lol*

And s-t-b-e-h is very sensible and may well reach some other miracle arrangement with the school.  I guess I’ll know more soon…

So now I’ve got all that ‘off my chest’ I’m feeling better.  I’ve also just had a phone call with a wonderful man who I’ll probably start talking about on here as time goes on and he’s managed to put a smile on my face – here let me take a new photo!

Looking better already eh – despite the crap skin and birds nest hair *lol*

Amazing how our emotions really do reflect outwards.  I’m also thinking that my problem skin probably is not only a reflection of how arse my diet has been lately (errmmm… I scoffed three nutella sandwiches during my angst today) but may well also be a reflection of my emotions.

So I have to find alternative ways to deal with how I’m feeling, instead of using food (or at least change the type of food) and also allow myself to feel then release strong emotions too, instead of storing them in my body.

This self development stuff is a never ending journey  eh *grin*

I’ll share with you what I learn for sure!

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This entry was posted on Monday, January 18th, 2010 at 6:13 pm and is filed under RawRRR! Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.