In order for something new to come in, I understand that making space has to be a priority. I was reminded of this with today’s quote from The Universe (see TUT.com)

‎”All that you need to have, all that you want, will be provided as if by magic. Once you know what you want and do something about it every day.”

I have a lot that I want to achieve and it feels overwhelming when I start to think about it all, so I know I need to chunk it down. I am also a firm believer that having a clear physical environment helps me have a clear mental and spiritual environment. Pretty essential if I want to figure out what little steps I need to be doing every day.

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• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @marketinggame #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @owningpink #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @randy_gage #
• Please help my friend's son win his dream to play at #Womad with his band Forestears – here's how – http://ht.ly/5bUgZ #
• "If you're brave enough to say "good bye", life will reward you with a new "hello" – Paulo Coelho #
• I'm lifting my mood by listening to some tunes via http://BasementSoul.com #
• Awesome #wordpress plugins & themes from WPMU Dev for $79 instead of $420 http://t.co/YzDfj2Q via @appsumo – ONLY FEW HOURS LEFT #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 #
• Only 18 more votes needed for my friend's son & his group Forestears to win a chance to play at Womad! Pls vote & share x http://ht.ly/5d3X4 #
• I am researching rebounders… Bellicon or Cellerciser? hmmm #
• I just wrote a new blog post: Take Consistent Action http://ht.ly/5dK6n #
• Just watched trailer for new #rawfood film Average Joe On The Raw – gonna pre-order to help get it out – take a look http://ht.ly/5dKKG #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @paypaluk @mark_copeman @inventorspot #
• Here's my brain dump for this morning – Love Thy Self – http://www.rawrrr.com/2011/06/10/love-thy-self/ #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @mintblogger #
• At Riki Tik in Brighton with @WorldDeepHouse mmm #housemusic #

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In order to love thy self one must be able to look – really look at at who you are.

On the inside and the outside.

Today, I’m talking about the outside.

I have a fascination for looking at others – not only watching people as I’m sat drinking a bloody mary with Bird somewhere, but also looking at people in photographs, or through the eye of a lens on either my iPhone, webcam or Canon Ixus 97015.

I’m not a photographer – I’m a happy snapper and I’d like to thank Gary for encouraging me to do that, many moons ago. To withold the judgement I heap on myself and just start capturing the moments that capture my eye. For my own pleasure.

There is a voyeur in me for sure.

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I keep being reminded by the Universe, to take consistent action. And to do what makes ME feel happy.

Although I’ve not been writing on here much in the past week and a half, I have been writing in my personal journal almost daily. Which helps.

How?

Well it helps get all the shit that is whirling around inside of my head… out. And when it’s out I am able to stop thinking so much and start feeling more.

That’s when my intuition can kick in and I start noticing ‘stuff’ more which can, in turn, lead on to things that help me realise that I really am alive and that really living a life is a pretty good thing.

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• Happy Sunday to youuu Here's today's post – Feeling Joy http://ht.ly/55mpS #
• mmm eating strawberries in bed for breakfast – how deliciously decadent of me #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @judithmorgan #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @judithmorgan @mintblogger #
• RT @PayPalUK: We're giving away 10 iPad 2s. Like us on Facebook and re-tweet this to enter: http://t.co/qLYtdTK via @PayPalUK #
• I am browsing twitter whilst trying to not fantasise about eating a veggie subway with ranch dressing.. #
• That sounds bloody scary @Coolz0r – did you have any moments of clarity during or after? #
• Easy – the one with the malteser on top! RT @Mmmm which one first…? http://instagr.am/p/E_R5m/ #
• Beyonce Run The World – LIES http://youtu.be/p72UqyVPj54 – amazing #feminist response or not? what do you think? #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @mywifequit #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @dannybatelic @avflox @modernlovemuse @mintblogger #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @davidjenyns @mcort @juicemaster #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @wpmuorg @danielpriestley @lipdesign #

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I’ve been so out of touch with myself, I’ve only fully realised recently, how I squash my feelings of joy and excitement.

WTF!!!

I’ll feel that stirring inside my belly, like butterflies, sort of making me feel a bit uneasy and then my mind kicks in and says – ‘think about something else.’ Or, maybe it will say, ‘be objective Sarah’.

“Don’t get too excited, it may never happen”

Whoa. That is what just popped in my head as I was mulling it over.

I can hear my Mum saying that to me. In fact I’m wondering if the exact phrase is – “It will probably never happen”.  Since when did the phrase to soothe someone into not worrying that something ‘bad’ may happen, get transplanted in my head to not worry that something ‘good’ will happen.

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• One of the great perks of dating: men's jumpers #stuffsoneinbag #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @gkstories #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 ▸ Top stories today via @marketinggame @justinbrooke #
• In case you missed it earlier – here's my latest blog post – Indecision and Fresh Thoughts http://ht.ly/518Mn #
• Awake at fricking 4am again I wrote this post – Waking Early To Banish The Demons http://ht.ly/51nbP #
• About To Get Juicy! http://flic.kr/p/9Lt4S5 #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @tracyclarkflory @mintblogger @gever #
• In case you missed it – my latest blog post: Waking Early To Banish The Demons http://ht.ly/52aKI #
• My new blog post is up! Sex And All That Jazz http://ht.ly/52mKt #
• In case you missed it earlier – my new blog post is up! #Sex And All That Jazz http://ht.ly/52vDc #
• In case you missed it earlier – my new blog post is up! #Sex And All That Jazz http://ht.ly/52vGW #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @mooifood @sarahcairncross #
• Good morning and here's today's blog post – The Start Of A Long Distance Love Affair http://ht.ly/53fRH #
• For all you health freaks out there with iPhones, Nike+ GPS app is free to download at the moment! http://ht.ly/53kxX #
• Surviving& Learning From Dark Nights of the Soul by Lissa Rankin funnily enough touched on a blog post I wrote this week http://ht.ly/53kDS #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/f9SWv7 ▸ Top stories today via @danielpriestley @mcort @inventorspot #
• In case you missed it – here's today's blog post – The Start Of A Long Distance Love Affair http://ht.ly/53QTz #
• I just wrote a blog post – Writing Again To Banish The Big Beastie Fears #infidelity http://ht.ly/54b0q #
• My friend G @beingthere sent me this link for his friend's new single Walk Away | Jack Rubinacci – waddya think? http://ht.ly/54dNE [video] #
• There's something in the air! Michelle Roberton-Jones of @Inspiritess has written a very powerful message this morning http://ht.ly/54hlK #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 #
• In case you missed my 5am ramblings – here's the link for Writing Again… Little White Lies http://ht.ly/54tOM #
• I'm on the bus into Brighton to experience an intro to #Tantra at SheSaid Boutique! #
• “Don’t stop growing … grow & change & if he loves you he will follow…” Morgan Jones via @Inspiritess http://ht.ly/552wp #
• The Sarah Cairncross Daily is out! http://bit.ly/eixTq5 #
• good point @marietaylor – the friend in question wasn't mebut for those words to pop out of a 12 yr olds mouth, is pretty impressive! #
• I just wrote a post about my Tantra For You experience last night – Tantra and Porridge http://ht.ly/554i9 #
• As @beingthere pointed out, stoopid Htly link didn't work – here's Jack Rubinacci new music vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvBM3lPCUD8 #
• Another corker of a post by @RawFoodScotland – Travelling and Raw Food http://ht.ly/555ti #
• I'm loving this series RT @_NealeDWalsch The exploration of God and Sex continues today at http://www.TheGlobalConversation.com #
• "You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother" Albert Einstein via @marketingwizdom #
• Congratulations to @Inspiritess for your new blog http://inspiritess.com created using @headwaythemes #

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You may know that I signed up with Bird to go to a Tantra workshop/information evening last night at the Impure Art gallery located below She Said Erotic Boutique in Brighton. I was REALLY excited about it and was enjoying feeling a little bit naughty every time I thought about it.

So what were my expectations of the evening?

• I knew it was going to be a small group as the venue was teeny tiny but very welcoming, so… friendly and intimate.
• The lady giving the talk had previously done one on Kama Sutra which had sold out so I thought – she must be good, so… engaging to listen to
• The description said ‘Learn the principles that underpin this tradition that combines flesh and soul, sex and spirit’, so… learn what tantra can do for me
• It also said ‘No sexual contact or nudity’ so… it would be a ‘safe’ environment where I wouldn’t be asked to do anything that made me feel uncomfy

And what actually happened? Read more…

I’m awake again at 5am this morning. I’ve been waking between 3 and 5am for over a week now as I’m sleeping for about 5 hours max but strangely enough this feels ok. At first I was just frustrated, lying there with stuff and nonsense, little white lies and big beastie fears whizzing through my head. Then I had an overwhelming urge to start writing again – I’m glad I did.

The first two times was, what some would (and did) describe, as a little messy, exposing hurtful conversations with my ex’s partner about my divorce via notes on Facebook.

I chose to take them down. Not because of her jumping up and down stamping her feet, or him pleading with me ‘to be reasonable’ once he realised the tantrum approach wasn’t working (which made me laugh a bit – oh the irony). But because the notes had done their job and it was time to let it all go and move on.

I felt that the whole story was now heard – not just theirs but mine too.

My next post was a poem – of sorts – that just flowed out of me in order to share a deep fear and strong belief. I woke and just had to write it in response to something else that was  happening between me and Tommy at the time.

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Long distance love affairs have been a common theme for me – well ermmm twice actually *lol*.  My marriage was to someone who is in the armed forces, so he was constantly going away and my new love is to a fricking Belgian.  How did I manage that?

When I’d healed enough from the closure of my marriage – which took me far longer than I thought it would – I started to think about what I would really want to have in my next relationship.

It was on a rare night out with Bird, that we sat down in a bar in Brighton and got out a piece of paper and pen each and, with intense concentration and tongues sticking out of the corners of our mouth, we both started drawing… a head.  We then folded the bits of paper and exchanged them and we then drew a torso, folded and exchanged again and did this till we’d helped each other draw our ‘ideal man’. Needless to say, we were practically snorting with laughter by the time we’d finished.

I seem to remember this was Michelle’s idea and it was bloody good fun – reminded me of the crazy pictures that would be created when I did this in school when i was ermm about, ummm, six – yes I CAN remember that far back *lol*.

So while we were explaining to each other the attributes we’d drawn (believe me, explanation was needed as neither of us are natural artists), we wrote them down to reinforce it. And that’s when we started to really brainstorm about qualities we would love in our next long term love relationship.

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